Just wanted to let all those that have been messaging and emailing and being complete angels know that things are going ok. They may not be fantabulous, but I'm slowly getting back on track after coming back from Chicago for my cousin's wedding. Separation and divorce is never easy, but we'll get through it. There's so much to say, yet no where really to begin on what's been all happening these past few weeks, so I'll just leave it be. I know a lot have been worried, asking questions, etc., but a lot is private, and I love my husband enough not to go into all of it. The fact remains that we are the best of friends, and nothing will ever change that. We've basically moved on with other people and realize our relationship, although based on friendship, would never grow into more than that. I think our marriage was more based on being scared of being alone than anything else.
The wedding back home on July 31st was beautiful, and I was able to see all my family, which was so great. Got to see Liam too, who is now 5'4" and 116 lbs at 11 yrs old. OY!!! My late brother's lil girl Hannah is getting so beautiful (that's a pic of Liam and Hannah). They look like teenagers and they are only 10 and 11!
Being back home has been hectic, as I've been doing a lot of soul searching and talking with friends and family, finding my lil place in this world, and keeping myself busy with work, especially now with my part time job in the evenings and weeekends. My 36th birthday was this past Saturday, and I went out for a bit, but not long, as I was beat from working, and things going on at home that have kept me from sleeping well at night. Sunday I woke up, and took my birthday money and did something that I haven't had done in forever... went and got my hair professionally cut, colored and highlighted. Most that know me know I'm a true tomboy, and really not into doing "girly" things for myself, but a few people, including my soon-to-be-ex, said I needed to take my birthday money and pamper myself instead always using it for bill money. So I did.
Now it's back to work, and I have three days in a row where I work both jobs from 9am to 11pm and midnight on Friday. I definitely need to start getting back to eating right, and getting the proper amount of rest before I burn out before I even begin!! Although in a lot of ways I feel I'm starting over, but in others, I feel like I'm just finally living life, and doing things MY way instead of always worrying about what others think. It's time in my life to start doing things for ME. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that helps me to improve my physical, mental and emotional health. I've always taken care of others, and now I have the opportunity to take care of myself. I miss my boy, but I know he's in a good place with his dad and stepmom and his siblings, all of whom I love dearly.
I plan on getting back to the gym this weekend, as there is absolutely no time today, Thurs or Fri for it. Walking around my 2nd job for 4-5 hrs a night is good for those days.. LOL.
Anywho, I'll try to blog when I can, but just wanted to say thank you again to all of you for letting me know you were there for me. *hugs* Have a great week!