Monday, February 6, 2017

Water Water Water

Routine exercise and consuming water have always been my biggest downfalls when it comes to losing and maintaining weight.  I'm a gal that likes her carbonation, but the pre-made carbonated flavored waters taste REALLY sweet to me.  So I picked up some Crystal Light packets.  My favorite so far is the Peach Mango Green Tea.  One serving (half a packet) contains only five calories, less than 1g of carbs, 5mg of sodium and provides 10 percent of the daily value for vitamin A and C, without containing any traces of fat, sodium, protein or sugar.  Of course, my water bottle is two servings, but it sure beats what adds up in the Caramel Mochas from McDonald's that I was buying almost daily and addicted to.  I just know I need to start drinking more water, instead of all the caffeinated coffee all the time.  I did have my cup at home when I woke up this morning, but determined to keep it to two regular cups a day, and cut out all the specialty coffees.  For this coffee addict, it is going to be tough, so hopefully I can swing it to a new addiction of water!!!  We shall see!

Side note:  I took this picture at my desk at work, and just noticed that there's my science handout for my classes regarding "mixtures".  LOL   Oh the irony!  Have a great day all!

Friday, February 3, 2017

Pushing Through the Pain

Getting back to a slow and steady workout routine is difficult enough as it is sometimes, and when there is pain involved, it can suck even harder!  Some of the exercises involving raising my arms above my shoulders, like jumping jacks, or even side stretches left me gripping my upper right arm in tears.  Two years ago I tore my deltoid by overthrowing during softball practice, and it has never been the same.  After going into ketoacidosis, this deteriorated the muscle even more.  I can't throw a ball any decent distance like I use to.  I can't overhand pitch, hell I can't even shoot a basketball from the freethrow line anymore, and for someone that was a long time tomboy and did well in sports, it sucks... BIG TIME!!

I've been getting in short bursts of moderate exercise at school too by tossing the basketball or football around with my students on breaks, or playing cornhole with the new sets the principal ordered.  Cornhole is easier since it's an underhand toss instead of an overhand throw.  Even at home, getting things from shelves above my shoulders can be okay one minute and the next leave me gripping my arm once again from the intense pain.  But I'm trying to work through it, and eventually, I'm hoping it will improve.  Time and fitness training are the only things that will help it.

Funny thing is, planks are no problem.  See, the way the muscle is, that position doesn't hurt my arm.  Pushups are another story, and again, any stretching above my shoulders.  But I'll get there.  I pushed through the painful moments of my BodBot workouts this week (they only started me off on every other day), and so far, so good.  Some weak moments, and some... "damn I still got it!" moments.

Trying to use my blog as a way of keeping myself accountable again.  While I may still be sitting in the 180's on the scale, I'm trying to create a routine.   I know I will have to increase my intensity and get my heart rate up and get my cardio on, and I'll admit I'm scared.  I envy people that get injured and just want to get back out there with the same gusto and drive as they had before they were.  For me, my fear of getting hurt, or falling down and embarrassing myself has a hold on me right now.  I wish I could say I'm just going to bust out of that blanket of fear and go for it, but it plays mind games with me.  I'm not mentally strong right now, but just like my physical fitness and weight loss goals. I'll get there.  It's a process and achievements in the making.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Six More Weeks

Well, this morning, ol' Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his home only to see his shadow, so legend says that we will have 6 more weeks of winter,  While this can be a disheartening thought, there is a plus side to it all.  It means I still have 6 more weeks of indoor activities to lose some of this insulin-induced weight before having to break out the cute (with less material) spring clothing!

For those of us with extra fluff, winter is always forgiving when it comes to clothes, with over-sized long sleeved shirts, sweaters, and hoodies.  We don't really look overweight, we just look "warm", right?  It's been a struggle with trying to get my body to move in the cold, but I did find this great website and app called BodBot.  You enter in all your information and it makes workouts FOR you.   You'll get your list either via email, or on your app.  The days you do not get one are your rest days, or days you can choose other activities.  As you do the reps, you mark them off as you go, and by the time you are done... complete workout done!  I tweeked mine by adding what equipment I have and do not have, so most of my workout can be done anywhere, no equipment needed.  It's great, and there is also a feature (like most fitness apps) where you can upgrade and it will track much more, analyze your progess, help you meal plan in order to reach your goals faster.

Screenshot of my BodBot App
Another great website/app is MyFitnessPal.  I've used this in the past, and it is quite popular as well.  While both programs are great and have amazing information and can track your progress and daily activities, neither will work for you if you don't do the work!

Of course my goal is to get back down to 150 lbs, so I have about 30+ lbs to lose, and my biggest issue has always been exercise.  I like finding things that are fun, so that it doesn't feel like a chore.  I lost a lot of weight when I was playing softball, but with a blown knee and torn muscles in my throwing arm, that's not an option anymore.  I hate that my range of motion and body has limitations now.  I'm actively seeking things that will help me out, and of course I'll always have Zumba and dance fitness, like Caleb Marshall - The Fitness Marshall!!  He cracks me up!

I'll just keep on keeping on and hopefully be ready for spring in 6 weeks!  Ciao for now!

Friday, January 27, 2017

National Chocolate Cake Day & Other Sabotages

Seriously?  Today is National Chocolate Cake Day?  In commenting with a friend, I discovered how there are even days for GERMAN Chocolate Cake Day, Pineapple Upside Down Cake Day and a Coconut Torte Day!  Nothing says sabotage like worshiping food to the point there are "national day(s)" for the crap we crave!

Hey all!  Yes, it's been over a year since I posted anything, and usually I turn back to my blog when I feel I've hit rock bottom with my health and wellness.  Since being hospitalized last year, my dysthymia has been switched on and I've been struggling ever since to find my sense of self again.  Most days I barely leave the couch and shut the world out.  When I have obligations like work or an event or gathering I feel committed to, I put on a smile and try to enjoy myself, but the moment I walk in the door of my house, it's like instant hermit.  PJs or the clothes from the day before, and it's just me, my pets, the occasional snuggle/movie watching with my youngest and the ID Channel, or whatever I dvr'ed that day or week.

What's really sad is that my hospitalization was back in MAY of last year.  Since then, my oldest graduated high school that month, and in December became a father, and I became a grandma!!  My little guy entered full day kindergarten and I was offered a full time job at the local alternative high school, so on the outside, things look pretty peachy and just chugging along like it is supposed to.  Although I do consider myself lucky, it was a year of tragedy as well.  I've had an aunt, my niece's mom, my grandmother and now this new year a teenage cousin pass away since, as well, and now it's almost February, 9 months after being released from the hospital, and I still feel like curling up and shutting out the world.  My body hurts.  I cannot tolerate food well, yet my weight has jumped back into the 180's after being put back on insulin.

It's like I reached a point last spring where I had held my ideal body weight for almost 2 years and I got smacked down and stepped on.  Not only did the MRSA and ketoacidosis wreck my health and weight at the time, it ate away at my muscles, leaving me to have to do a little physical therapy at home to walk stairs, reach for things above my head and left me crying, feeling defeated and sorry for myself.  May, and most of the summer, was definitely the worst, as I lashed out at the world, wanting to just die in this disease-ridden body I had be given to "live" in.

I still feel a little like that today.  While I have stopped the rapid weight gain up to 183 lbs and held that steady for months now, This shroud of depression that makes be almost completely immobile once I enter my home doesn't seem to want to lift.  As in the past, I cannot seem to lose weight while on insulin, and the times that I HAVE been successful with weight loss have been 150 lbs when I stopped taking it.  Then I'm good for a few years and BAM... high A1C or go into ketoacidosis and then I'm put back on insulin and BAM again!!  Oh hello, 180!!

It truly is a vicious cycle, and I'm trying my hardest to love myself at this weight, but not only do I find it hard, I find it downright repulsive and it effects my mood, my self image, and worth and is destroying who I am,  Not to mention having a dire effect on my marriage, since I don't want to be touched.  The "you look (insert complimentary word)" comments don't uplift me.  They actually make me feel like they feel sorry for me and are trying to get me to cheer up and/or smile.

Trying my best to fake it til I make it I suppose.  I feel like I'm going to have this breakthrough moment where I wake up determined, in a great good and a cease the day attitude.  I just can't seem to get there.

Some may look at this is one long, whiney post, and that's fine.  Sometimes we have to get all the crap out of our system, whether it's drugs, alcohol, crappy food, etc., but a lot of times it's the crappy thoughts and feelings that truly weigh us (me) down.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Small Victories Get You There


Yesterday, I shared with my friends and family that I finally saw the 150's on the scale.  159.2 lbs to be exact.  I haven't seen anything on the scale below 160 in probably 25 years.  When I graduated high school, I was 138 lbs and within a year was over 160 lbs.  Lack of sports?  Probably.  Undiagnosed diabetes?  It's a possibility.  Poor eating habits?  Definitely.

Like a lot of teens, I thought I was fat.  My scale weight was always higher than my friends.  Looking back though, I remember people and classmates commenting on the definition of the muscles in my legs.  Thanks to diving, weights, soccer, water polo, poms and cheer, I had a certain build.  They are still there, just not as predominant, but noticeable.  Since muscle is denser than fat, I could fit into their clothes, but that didn't match what I saw on that scale.  I was also taller than most.  When we are younger, I think it's hard to grasp the concept of how all this physiology works.  At that time, I only saw a number on the scale, so while their weights were 110-118 lbs, here was me at 125-132 lbs.  I got depressed. Why am I so big?  I look back now, and as a woman, I can appreciate the athletic, toned, muscular physique I had back then.  I couldn't see it at the time, because I only saw that damn number.

Some of us get in the rut of obsessing over that number.  I know I have, and yes, it was a small victory for me to lose the weight.  It will be another small victory to get some of that definition back.  Yes, I have the mommy gut and the loose skin, and it's frustrating.  I'm still a work in progress.  I will always be a work in progress.  Getting older, wiser, and getting more of a IDGAF attitude toward what others think of me.  It really can be freeing when you reach this level of consciousness.  I still have a ways to go to my health and fitness goals, but I will celebrate the small victories as they are achieved.

What have you achieved?  What is/was a small victory that you celebrated?  Comment below!  I'd love to read it.  Let's celebrate, congratulate and motivate each other!  Enjoy your weekend!