Sunday, October 13, 2013

Taking Care of Me for a Change

It's the scenario we hear all the time.  Moms taking care of everyone else and not herself.  I admit that I'm definitely one of those.  Not only my family, but others in my community.  Doing for others, and not for myself.  I recently backed off from a lot of the volunteer commitments I had made and have been trying to focus on myself for a change.  As you may or may not know, I'm a type 2 diabetic.  It's been a struggle for me since I was 24 years old when I first was diagnosed with gestational diabetes while pregnant with my oldest.  Health psychology and my inability to adhere to medical advice has been a definite struggle as well, and I'm trying my best to tackle them with a more positive outlook.

For instance, I was recently diagnosed with dysthymia.  It's a low grade chronic depression, and it's suspected I've had it since I was a teen.  I can definitely look back over the years and agree with that.  I've never been diagnosed or treated for depression, although I have suspected it.  Not only does it affect my mood, but it affects the way I care for myself.  This is something that I need to start being proactive about because it's affecting my attitude toward my diabetes.  I have to push the "don't give a crap" attitude and start taking care of myself and staying on top of my meds and exercise.

Secondly, there is the fact that while getting my body back on track, the Metformin messes with me, and I have almost all the side effects, minus the headaches:

  • Diarrhea -- occurring in up to 53.2 percent of people
  • Nausea or vomiting -- in up to 25.5 percent
  • Gas -- in up to 12.1 percent
  • Weakness -- in up to 9.2 percent
  • Indigestion -- in up to 7.1 percent
  • Abdominal discomfort (or stomach discomfort) -- in up to 6.4 percent
  • Headache -- in up to 5.7 percent.

This is not fun, and ironically, I had my Health Psychology class last semester, and it made me recognize one of the reasons I don't adhere to my medication is that my mind and body would rather deal with the long term unseen effects of diabetes than deal with the very real symptoms and side effects from my medication.  True that over time, these side effects will slowly fade away, but I just had the week from hell while my body adjusted, and I missed out on some good times with friends and family this weekend.  I need to start dealing with the immediate and get past my own self so that I can live a healthier lifestyle and prolong my life here on earth for my boys.  

I just reached 40 years in August, and I would love to have 40 more.  I won't be able to do that on the path I've been choosing.  There are so many people out there that inspire me.  Recently my friend Carrie, as I've seen her on her journey on a return to health and happiness, and I realized that no matter how much I may fail at my attempts to get back on my own track of those things, I need to keep getting back up and not let it keep me down.  

It's a struggle, but I can't let it get the best of me.  I have to rise up and overcome.  I have to start focusing on me for a change.  I have to start saying "no" so that I can say "yes" to life and longevity. 


  1. I completely understand what you're going through . I was diagnosed at 16 with ptsd and I've been fighting it every single day since. No matter how well life is going for me, getting out of bed and functioning is a huge accomplishment. I've been on what feels like every med there is for it. I'm currently weaning myself off I'm now down to just one!! You can fight your way through this. Now that you recognize the problem you can work on it. If you can find a good therapist, go. Therapy has helped me more than any medicine could ever. Good luck. It's not easy but it's possible and worth it :)

    1. I've been seeing a counselor, and that along with my classes have really opened my eyes to a lot of things that have been hindering me from putting myself first. Now it's just time to put some of the solutions into actions and stop making excuses for myself.

      Congrats on weening yourself off your meds! I'm hoping that in time I can lose enough weight and get my glucose levels under control to where I can just take an oral med or go off them completely. I have about 30-40 lbs to go, so we'll see! Thanks for your input hun! I greatly appreciate it! <3

  2. well, your meds are a bit more life sustaining than mine were. i guess it depends how you look at it, actually. they could be considered equally important. at the time i needed them to get my life together and push on. now i just look at mine as poison. i only have one kidney so i worry when it comes to that stuff.

    do you ever find that you subconsciously sabotage yourself? not taking care of yourself is pretty much just that. i do it with food. sounds like you've done it with your meds. it's so easy to do. it's like something inside ourselves is out to get us lol

    this is an odd question but do you find that social networking has any impact on your mental status? i was watching something the other day that says it has actually been depression inducing for some people. sounds stupid but apparently it's happening for some people. i don't quite get it myself though.

    1. Honestly, I think it does. Reading people constantly complain about their life. I'm guilty of it at times, especially when I'm sick/depressed and I try my best to keep things fun and light and have a few people "hidden" from my timeline so that I don't have to see the constant complaints of people that do nothing to try to change their situation.

      I sabotage myself with food a LOT. I'm a food addict, and I know it. Especially snack foods and especially after everyone goes to bed and I'm up watching my girly dvr'd shows that the men in this house won't watch with me.. lol

  3. What you wrote in that last paragraph actually inspires ME. This may be weird advice, but I encourage you to handle this like a mouse would: Nibble-nibble at it until finally, you have consumed the entire beast and overcome.

    1. Thanks Josie. It's been a crazy week, and found out today after stepping on the scale, the meds and insulin have put 8 lbs in a week and a half on me. Another excuse my brain likes to use to NOT take my diabetic meds... the weight gain. I have to work twice as hard to maintain weight, and even more so to lose it, and it always feels like an uphill battle. I always let it get me down. I sat down... had my pity cry... and now it's time to fight!! *puts up her gloves*

  4. I've been self medicating with food for about a week now. Why do we do this? Although, if I have to be addicted to something I'll take food over drugs and /or booze I suppose.

    I'm not helpful tonight as far as inspiration goes. I had a bad mental health day lol. I can say that the people who love you would much rather you gain that 8 pounds if it means you're taking care of your diabetes. I do understand the disappointment you feel though. This lifelong weight struggle that some of us have is bullshit.


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