Thursday, April 23, 2009

Brought to Tears


Tonight's workout was tough. With not training with Eric last week from being "out of commission" last Thursday, the workouts that I have done since last week haven't helped keep up my stamina or strength. Most of my workouts are cardio. Weights are usually not involved. Add the weights, and I'm struggling BIG time. That's what Eric does. Almost everything we do, there are 5-10 lbs weights involved. I literally have no arm strength whatsoever. I can barely do push ups on my knees, and never really have been able to whether at my weight now, or even when I was 130 lbs in high school. It frustrates the hell out of me, and I've been trying to do weights and push ups at home too, but I know I should be pushing myself harder, no matter how much I'm shaking and want to quit.

Towards the end of the workout, my eyes started welling up along with the sweat. I'm not sure if it was coming from the frustration of not being able to do something, anger at myself for wanting to quit, or depression of how far I've let myself go physically. Or maybe all of it combined. All I know is I tried to stop them, but they welled up anyway. When I left, I got in my car, and just let loose, crying almost the whole way home.

I called my husband and just talked his ear off about everything. It helped to get a lot of it off my chest, and I thank him for being there to listen and not criticize. I know it's going to take time, and I'm willing to put in the time, but I never imagined it would be this hard. Last time I lost weight, it was just watching what I ate, some treadmill and exercise classes 3-4 times a week. The weight came off so simple then. Now, being back on insulin, it's like fighting an uphill battle, and the scale isn't budging. I'm not quitting, I'm just frustrated as all hell. It's the whole reason why this time I hired a personal trainer. Because I NEED that extra edge. I need to push past and beyond my comfort zone, because obviously the workouts that are IN my comfort zone aren't doing $h!t for me.

Anyway, so that was my experience this evening. Eric thinks I should up the training to twice a week, but in checking his schedule the only evening that was open was Tuesday nights, and that's kickboxing night. I'll have to figure out something. Definitely have to keep doing more weight and strength training, so I can build it up.

As Ralph Marston twittered recently... "Base your sincere expectations not on what has already happened, but on what you would most like to see happen." "Remind yourself of all the ups and downs you've successfully been through. Know that whatever you encounter, you'll make the best of it."

Definitely have to keep pushing myself, and keep my eyes on my goal. Nite All!!!

10 comments:

  1. Girl, I am SO proud of you. You're continuing to stick this out and make it a lifestyle. SO SO SO proud of you.
    I had my fall apart crying moment on Sunday with my husband, I think it's from a lot of frustration, you want results NOW, and sometimes NOW doesn't show up as fast as you want it to. But just know, you're DOING it. :)

    loves.

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  2. Not only are *we* proud of you, but I know your family is too. You're also demonstrating such wonderful commitment and discipline that your son can use as an example and learn from as well.

    I hate that you're upset so please be encouraged and smile for us today! :-)

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  3. I'm sore but smiling today.

    *big smiles* lol thanks ladies!!

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  4. Hey girl, thanks for the visit to my blog!

    I just want to reach out and hug you. First because I can understand how hard it can be and second, because of you "not giving up" attitude! Good for you...just believe in yourself and you CAN do it!

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  5. The hardest part is keeping yourself going when you feel like it's just too hard and you want to quit. You're doing great. The frustration is something I'm learning to live with too, realizing how easy it is to slip backwards, and how hard it is to move forwards. Good luck with finding another day to fit in the personal training session! I'm jealous and want an Eric of my own!

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  6. Cher, like everyone else, I am SOOOOOOOOOO PROUD of you! You have health issues that make it tougher for you yet you push thru & keep going! YOU WILL GET THERE! Don't give up. It takes time & patience. You are taking the steps to make yourself a healthier & better person! We all get down on ourselves at times & I am glad your hubby is there for you. You are lucky that he listens & does not judge!

    You will get there Cher... hang in there! My stepdaughter is doing a boot camp & she feels the same way! Push-ups and all! We are with you!

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  7. "Remind yourself of all the ups and downs you've successfully been through. Know that whatever you encounter, you'll make the best of it."

    You are such an inspiration, Cher. Keep going strong, sister.

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  8. I'm sending out hugs to you!!!! Keep pushing along, you'll get where you want to be! Just try to stay positive and know that you have soooo many people cheering for you! Yay Cher!! ;)

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  9. I am so proud of you. Training is no doubt hard. Not always feeling your best and pushing through it is awesome. As far as Eric's recommendation, I usually recommend that my client's train at least 2 times per week. Hang in there.

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  10. Thanks everyone. I just want to say each and every one of you is an inspiration to me, so to have your support means more to me than I can ever express. *hugs*

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