Yeah, this post is going to be a bit of a vent post. I'm completely frustrated. I've gained weight again this past week, and it pisses me off more than you could ever know. I want to be weak, and break down, knowing that this friggin insulin has caused me to gain 20 of the 30 pounds I lost two yrs ago. When you are eating right, journalling, exercising, getting your ass KICKED, and there's nothing to show for it on the scales, it hurts.
And I don't want to hear about how I'm "gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat".. blah blah blah. Bullshit!! Muscle helps BURN more fat, and my clothes aren't fitting any better, so don't ask me about inches either. I have to stop going out to lunch with Crusher, when I have no control and no clue the carb/calorie counts, and no more snacking after dinner, unless it's a protein bar after a workout. I can't stomach this anymore. I'm tired of feeling that it has control over me, affecting me, bringing me down and slowly trying to kill my spirit. I know there are areas I slack, and I need to be more consistant and accountable for those things. Guess I want my cake, eat it too, then hope I'll kickbox it off, eh? LOL
I may get a lot of slack and backtalk for this statement, but there's a lot of bigger gal/people websites and news articles that promote "loving yourself at any size", well, I say love yourself enough to DO something about your size!!
Love yourself to not want the extra fat around your heart, around your kidneys and liver, or in my case, the ab fat restricting my pancreas causing me to be on insulin. Love yourself enough to not have the fat in your chest cavity that restricts your breathing.
That's what I'm trying to do for myself. Love myself enough to give me a long life with my son, family and friends. So don't lecture me about how I need to love myself the way I am. I do love the person I am when it comes to my heart, mind and soul, but physically, I could be doing a hell of a lot better job of loving myself and taking care of the vessel that is cruising me through this great thing we call life, tyvm!!
Anywho, I have my personal training session with Eric tonight. I know I need to kick it up and push myself. I just wish I could pinpoint what's going on with my metabolism cuz it's driving me crazy right now!! LOL Have a great day!!