I was so looking forward to going to kickboxing, but Wendy was sick, and had called off work. Heck, I have enough trouble getting motivated to exercise when I'm feeling great, let alone sick, so I totally understand. I figured I'd do something when I got home, but instead, I clean up the kitchen a lil, made dinner for the boy and myself, and then settled in to watch The Biggest Loser, per my usual Tuesday night routine.
Watching this show really gets inside my head, and really helps me understand some of the things I do to sabotage myself. Jillian confronted one of the players saying that she's "playing the victim". Is that what I do? Do I try to play the victim and do nothing just so I can whine about my weight and get attention? I sure hope not.
It's so true sometimes that when people are down on themselves, that's the way the world perceives them. I know a few people like that. They are down on themselves, feeling sorry for themselves, and since all they do is put out negative energy, that's how people perceive them. If you project your insecurities and how you'll never get this or that, guess what?? You WON'T! If someone finds you handsome or beautiful, and all you do constantly is point out your flaws (which I'm guilty of) in time, that's how others will pick you apart. People see you through their eyes only for so long, and then they'll start to see you through your own eyes.
The girl last night claimed she wanted to lose weight because she wanted love from others. You cannot expect others to love you if you can't love yourself. You cannot rely on others to tell you your selfworth. You have to know your selfworth and work towards loving yourself and being secure in who and what you are.
I think that's where my workout problems are. Somewhere while in the midst of empowering and inspiring others, I reversed and turned to playing the victim again. I'm being my own worse enemy in all of this, and I need to breakthrough and see myself as I want to be, and know I can be.
It's a neverending battle, and I have to keep winning the little wars.